Weighed down by guilt

By Matt Stone

Can you remember the first time you felt guilt for a sustained period of time?

Aged 12, I was on holiday in Wales for a week with my extended family at a complex of cottages for the May half term break. Lots of sunshine, fun days out to various attractions in the local area, good food, and other people my age on site to hang out with.

All this, and the excitement of becoming a teenager just around the corner. It should have been the perfect holiday, except I was harbouring a secret.

The day before setting off on this holiday, myself and a friend had decided to “bunk off” the last two periods at school after lunch.

Never a good choice, and I still can’t think what really prompted us to do it, other than just wanting to push a boundary to see if anyone would push back!

"It’s ok”, I thought at first, as I tucked in to a delicious barbecue in warm, sunny Wales. “No one will have noticed that we were gone.”

But over the course of the holiday, I became more and more wracked with guilt, and could feel the justifiable fear of punishment upon my return to school rising up inside.

The action of skipping school that I thought would bring freedom to do what I wanted with my time, in fact, ruined my free time of relaxation during the half term.

Not only that, but I then entered my teenage years on a behaviour report card!

Despite this, the freedom and peace I felt when I finally confessed to my form tutor after a (very brief) period of questioning was immense.

We see this principle at work in Psalm 32

King David himself reflecting upon the fact that when he sinned his “…strength was sapped as in the heat of Summer” (v.4) But, we discover a verse later that he says “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD”.

In the second half of the Psalm, David, inspired by the Holy Spirit, articulates perfectly the wisdom that God has woven into the fabric of creation - that “…the LORD’S unfailing love surrounds the one who trusts in him”. (v.10) Therefore, we can also trust that Jesus has our best interests at heart.

Jesus says in Matthew 11:30 “For my yolk is easy, and my burden is light”.

Jesus doesn’t want us to be weighed down by the guilt of our mistakes. Staying in that place will prevent us from having our character formed by Him, and fulfilling the good plans and purposes He has for our lives.

Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you one person, who has shown you that you can trust them (a friend or family member), and with whom you feel you could begin a process of accountability with, and then start exploring this.

Lord God,

Thank you for the gift of life that you have given me.

Thank you that you have searched me, know me, and are familiar with all my ways. No one knows me like you do. Thank you that you love me as I am, but also that you love me enough to not leave me as I am. Come Holy Spirit, fill me right now with your comforting presence, and show me one area of my life that you want to lead me in, so that I can become more like Jesus.

Amen.